Stop Human Suffering!

Stop the whining and the negative thinking! There are ways in dealing with problems that are more empowering and encouraging. Problems are after all, a way of pulling you up instead of pulling you down into the drains. Their main goals are to make you stronger. Remember the dumbbells in the gym that are too heavy to lift? In the beginning, these dumbbells may weigh you down and exhaust you, but that is just in the short run. The more you keep doing it and attempting it, the more you will feel stronger and mightier.

What do you think of the moment you hear the word problem? If you ask me, I would easily think of how to solve it. What is the solution to such a problem? We are often tempted to immediately look for a way to get past it. Various problems and challenges in life are too hard to handle that is why we result to a perspective that is both disempowering and narrow. It is more or less similar to saying that you want to go to the gym because you want to get the work out done and over with. What is the point of the whole experience when what you are only after is the end?

When you consider the whole process of the activity of solving the problem as important, then you are thinking in a more productive perspective. It is not the solution that helps us grow, instead it is the process.

What if your problem was money? You are broke and in too much debt. I would assume that you will immediately look for a way wherein you can get out of it as fast as you can. You may feel uneasy when you prolong being in the process much longer than you want, beginning to feel desperate at arriving at a solution as soon as possible. Again, it is the activity of finding the solution that counts not the outcome.

Financial problems are a burden to everyone. But it is also the innovativeness of someone that can get him or her out of it. You have to trust and believe in yourself enough to be able to find the best solutions for it. If you need to change your character along the way or go through intermediate steps to gain strength in solving them, then you should. Strength of character is one of the primary tools of survival. If you do not have strength you will not be exceptional in finding the perfect ways to solve it. Problems signal growth. When you have gone through a successful process of solving a problem, then you will not be afraid to find yourself bouncing back into the game in the future. Your real gain will not be solving the problem, your gain will be inner strength, intelligence and ability.

Would you either prefer easy money than independence in achieving it? Financial problems are not at all solved when suppose you have won a lottery. In fact, you will be in a far worst position. Never pray to experience a solution like a windfall. Go through the process no matter how disheartening it may seem. Solve a problem on your own. Yes, challenges may be hard. But they are always there for a much greater purpose. It is like training for the final showdown. Remember, a positive mindset leads to personal strength which is far more greater than taking things the easy way.

What is it that you actually know?

What is your knowledge about efficiency, proper time handling, and organization? Are you a highly-productive person? Do you know how to manage your time? How are you efficient in the things that you do? In your tasks?

What steps do you do to keep yourself healthy? Do you know how to be healthy? Are you physically and mentally fit?

Do you have a purpose in life? What is your purpose? Are you living it?

What does goodness mean to you? Do you believe in morality?

Are you a brave person? Do you value the importance of courage?

How do you view close relationships? Do you have one today?

What is the value of service to others to you? Are you serving somebody right now?

When you claim to understand something that is not voluntarily evident in your life, then there is nothing that you really know. Knowing is being. Claiming to know what you are not is only knowing the conceptualization of something that does not necessarily mean the thing itself. Yes you get the general idea of its productivity, health and courage but when you do not know its entirety is not knowing. Knowing is knowing the true essence behind the conceptualizations. When this is so, then you do actually possess it.

Knowing is being. Being productive is a result of knowing productivity. Being healthy is an outcome of knowing how to be healthy. Bravery, is a result of courage.

Concepts are merely a projection of the real truth. You can internalize and memorize every angle of a shadow but it does not mean that you know the object that is casting the shadow. Research and further studying of the shadow might be of some help in the search for truth, but it only serves as a pointer to the direction of the truth not the truth itself.

Yet this has not stopped people from wasting and spending so much effort, time and energy in studying the shadow. Because of these, they become experts, having a wide knowledge on its concepts and truth representations, but still, not the truth itself.

Claims are just claims. They are claiming to know about health but are not even healthy, claiming to know productivity when they are the opposite, and claiming to know about bravery when they are big cowards.

What is truth? What are the concepts of truth?

Concepts are studied and viewed externally. Focus your gaze inwards. Concepts are the truths cast in shadows, these are the truths that all along have existed within you.

Yes, concepts are a big help, but only when you realize that they are just projections that are creations of the truth, wherein you have to track them down to its main source. Finding the concepts to its base will make you rediscover a part of yourself that reverberates with those concepts. You will discover your bravery, wealth in health and productiveness. Knowledge about this is knowledge about the truth.

To be able to master yourself, you need to have self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is defined as your complete understanding of yourself exactly as you are at this point of your life. This is a very difficult task for most of us because we cannot generalize success for everyone. Some of us may have reached our ambitions in life while some, well, may not have even started it yet. At an early age, we have been persuaded and encouraged by our significant others to do certain things in order to achieve certain things at our prime, and that we should never be satisfied unless what we have is exactly what we wanted. In real life, there will never be a finish line for our gratification. Once we have achieved something, we do something again to achieve much, much more. So, at what point in our lives are we allowed to feel good then? Have you ever thought of that?

Society today dictates most of what is in and what is not, and being in would have to be in the form of possessions such as the right sports car, the right signature clothing or the right kind of beer we sip at parties. These problems with our culture, we can say, have been intentionally produced by the media and other types of business who are very diligent in their advertising campaigns. How many times have you felt bad about yourself because you do not have what the television ad is advertising? The right question to ask I guess is “How much of something do we really need to have?” Do you really need to have that Armani suit just to sell and advertising for your magazine? Or, do you really need to drink their beer so that they will sponsor your company’s campaigns and events? Yes, we do need certain things. But what things exactly and how much? We need material things to make us feel good, that is the bottom line. If you feel the need to buy something in order to feel good then you have to address that issue first before giving in.

Freedom can be expressed through Self-Acceptance. The freedom to be satisfied and happy with who we are without being slaves because of the needs that society wants us to have. The ability to look at yourself and the mirror and like exactly what you see is Freedom. It is being happy with the skin that you are in and not the skin that you want to have.

One of the biggest transformational events in our lives would be being able to accept ourselves truly. True self-acceptance does not necessarily mean that you do not like to change anything in your life anymore or search for new paths that lead to growth. Self-acceptance is simply finding satisfactions with who you really are despite the imperfections focusing your attention only towards the directions of positive reinforcement that is necessary to continue living. When you can accept yourself in totality, you are also able to freely accept others as well. You can love yourself as well as love others in return. We are all connected and intertwined. When we hurt others, we hurt ourselves too. So instead of this negativity, use the freedom to totally express yourself in a way that balances everything around you.

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Everything around you, the people that you know, and even those that you don’t, are personally linked to you. It is but an illusion to think that everything that surrounds us is distinct and separate. That is all it is, an idea. We are the parts of a holistic world just like what cells, which are the basic units of the body, are to the body.

Just like a mirror, everything that you see all around you are reflections of who you are and what you are in this world. We are like cells in an organism that carries the same DNA structure as the other; you too, have a part in the people walking around you. You are a reflection of others and vice versa.

The facets of the Interconnected Model of Relationships are the following:

-          Solitariness: You are what you see in others. You are not distinct being, nor are you separate from them.

-          Interconnection: It is useless to build or create a relationship with others because from the very beginning, you are already united. The only thing that should be done is to tune in the existing connection and everything will follow.

-          Riskless: You do not need courage to interact with others. It is not like you are building a relationship with them out of nothing. We are connected; therefore, there is already a pre-existing relationship that only needs to be enhanced.

-          Importance: There is no such thing as an irrelevant or insignificant relationship. Even people that you do not know are part of you.

-          Platonic Love: Since we are unconditionally attached to all living beings, letting go of a bad and harmful relationship becomes easier. You will later on attract new and desirable relationships that you find you are compatible with as soon as you let go of your old one.

Trust me, everything may sound alien to you now but once you have get into it and seen the results first-hand, you will absolutely be amazed and converted. This type of mindset is what we call the subjective reality described in a way to fit inside a nutshell.

Although there are some “bad” effects with this type of mindset one of which is the meeting of people through synchronizations, the people we think and feel that we are destined to meet. This type of mind-setting attracts the right people into your lives at the right time.

This type of mind-setting is effective when you have already assumed a pre-existing connection with another individual who will on his or her end, respond to you in the right kind. There is no such thing as breaking the ice in starting a conversation with a stranger when there never was any ice to break in the first place.

This is also an easy and simple way to recognize the highly-conscious individuals. They are the ones who tend to respond in such a manner that they can relate to you as real human beings who are conscious and aware.

Are you in a personal relationship right now? What is your way of determining its value and magnitude? I would believe that the mind is the primary determining factor for personal relationships. Options that offer ways in framing the importance of personal relationships in your life are always available and some might be more empowering than others. You will find it difficult to connect with others if you look at relationships in one angle alone. Changing your mindset on the other hand will make you more attractive and appealing to other individuals without any difficulty.

HOW THE MIND WORKS IN DISEMPOWERED RELATIONSHIPS

In every relationship, there are objectives that have to be put into consideration. In this type of mind-setting, other individuals are distinct beings that are separate entities that we interact with through body language, in words and through the voice.

The following are facets of the framework of objective relationships:

-          DISCONNECTION / SEPARATION: Every individual possesses his or her own set of thoughts that are different from yours

-          REJECTION ANXIETY: No relationship is stable and calm, every relationship has its fair share of imprecision and risks.

-          POSSIBLE RESISTANCE: Initiating a conversation with a total stranger is a very risky approach that takes a lot of courage.

-          TRUST DOES NOT HAPPEN OVERNIGHT: Communication, trust and familiarization are the main ingredients for satisfying relationships. But these do not happen overnight. It takes time for one to achieve each and everyone.

-          IT TAKES TIME TO BOND: Bonding happens when you are already comfortable being with a certain person. Bonding never happens between two distant people who do not know each other. Mutual relationships are less certain if you try to bond with somebody who is a total stranger.

-          ATTACHMENT RISKS: Abusive and destructive relationships are not what a person seeking for love desires. But often times, their characteristics do not manifest immediately in the beginning during the time when you are trying to build your investment such as time and energy.

This type of framework is actually something we call as “common sense”. Most of us know how to identify with it the only problem is, we all have unique mindsets that are not always “blind-proof” form any signs of adversity that might show in the surface early on. That is the reason why this mind-setting is quite a disempowering one because it functions rather fairly. Most have claimed that they only got average results while practicing this framework. Yes, it does allow you to enjoy relationships that are mostly with friends, seldom with close, intimate relationships with a particular someone you find interesting. It is never expected of you to talk about things that matter much to you such as your purpose or mission in life, for those kinds of thoughts were only “okay” for persons involved and attached with their spiritual self. This then is the result of a disempowered relationship. Because you have blocked so much of everything that is involved with finding the right mate, you are always in the mode of keeping it “safe”. But do you know that testing the unsure waters bring surprises that we might actually find pleasing for us?

Sometimes, we are too caught up with the things that we do not want that we often forget to count our blessings. The things that we have in life might not be the things that we want that may be is the reason why we never notice it. If you want to make a mess out of your life, then focus your energy on the things that you DO NOT want.

Do you know that this kind of mind-setting is actually a trap? You get stuck at such thoughts far longer than you can imagine. It is a vicious cycle where you can get lost in. Try doing this:

Observe the things that are happening in your life right now. Look around.

Observe yourself. Notice yourself disliking some of the things around.

Do you notice yourself feeling sad, angry, irritated, fear or any other bad emotions?

How do you think can you change your attitude of dislike towards those things? What does it take to like them?

Consider making the effort and taking the time to change what you dislike and how you might make things worst instead of changing them.

Do you feel trapped, frustrated and or depressed because of this realization?

Does watching television, eating, drinking, surfing the internet or checking your mail make you feel better? Do what it takes to make you feel better. Detach yourself from the negative emotions.

Did you feel a sort of relief after the distraction? What measures did you take to make you feel better?

Repeat the steps after taking some time for relaxation.

Have you ever experienced a similar pattern to the steps above? I bet that similar patterns are in succession in your life right now. There might be some variations but more or less, you will find the similarities.

What events or situations result in this kind of pattern? Do you ever encounter a similar pattern ruling your relationships at times? Are these patterns evident in your work or job? Is this pattern evident in your current living situation? Is this evident in your health?

Below are examples of patterns that you might use in running your finances:

What are the triggering factors that bring negative thoughts about your finances? In what form? Is it through a billing statement from the bank, an article post about money, the uselessness of your wallet, or the oil prices at the gas station? Internal stimuli can also perhaps trigger a random thought about money.

Are your finances where you want them to be? If not, observe closely. Do you have enough cash flow or is your source of income not enough for your splurging hobbies, or are you in too much debt? Are you experiencing all of these at the same time?

Your financial situation has taken its toll on your mood. You are upset about how things are not the way you want them to work. Your situation has worsened.

What are the things that you should do to get the money to pay off your debts and increase your income?

Hard work and unpleasant yet necessary changes will be important to regain your financial stability. But are you sure you are not going to fail this time?

You will feel frustrated, stressed and overworked. In the end, you will find yourself giving up.

Comfort yourself by surfing the internet. Go watch a movie. Eat. Do anything to make you feel better.

Feel the release of negative energy. Take a deep breath, and then exhale slowly.

Take yourself to bed. Wake up the next day and repeat the process until you have deleted all the negative emotions you have primarily associated with this activity.

People as we are, we tend to put ourselves last in everything. Our goals are often than not put aside to make way for the goals and ambitions that the persons dear to us have or want to achieve. It is almost a cliché to hear the answer of someone asked about why she took up nursing: “It is the course that my parents wanted me to take so that I can go abroad and earn millions.” Or, “I want to help my family”.

The new rule here now is to put yourself first instead of always thinking about the welfare of others. It does not also mean that you will entirely forget about lending a helping hand for others, what is meant by this is that instead of worrying about the business of others, think of your own problems first. We also have this tendency of noticing so much the negative characteristics or actions of others, always finding ways to criticize the things that they do, blaming them for their failures and gossiping this and that about him or her. What do you think is being put to the mix in this matter? Why do you think that the issue of others attracts us so much? Why is it that we find ourselves involved with the persons who are responsible for our failures and sadness, who are critical and even judgmental? And why is it that we do not feel the same amount of curiosity and interest for the people around who encourage us in achieving our goals and aspirations, those who love us and give us support?

How do you view yourself? Do you expect your views and opinions to be valued and heard? Do you want others to look up to you or do you expect them to treat you unfairly, judge you, abandon you and stay away from you? Unravelling is the term used to describe the patterns in your behaviour and thoughts that you are starting to take note of. Instead of saying that “it was fate that made it happen..or I really had no idea it would end up like this”, the usual clichés for actions that we have no knowledge of, we now will take full responsibility and control over the things that happen to us, thus, we will now start living with consciousness.

Before you blurt out anything, make sure that you have thought of it consciously. Listen to the chatter or talk that goes on inside your head, how you react to circumstances and situations involving other people. Attune yourself to your habitual reactions, be in charge and notice how much negativity you are illustrating in your head about culture, beliefs and stories of events that does not even concern you in any way. Then, when you are in a state of complete awareness, you can now sit down and start rewriting the script you have for yourself and life. Get rid of the bad thoughts and reactions you have and trade it with supportive and positive ones.

What are the things that you need and want? Do you desire to attract these to your life? Who are the people you look up to and attract you the most? It is time to shove that pointing finger down your pockets because you are also getting rid of the blaming scheme entirely.

Surround yourself with as much positive energy as you can in order for the attraction that your bring into your life be pleasant and instead of criticizing and putting you down, you will find people actually affirming you for your ways of being and thinking. Find out the reasons why you are attracted to a certain individual instead of complaining about those that do not match up with you!

Working as a team is much better than working alone. Dreams and ambitions are more achievable if we have others alongside us who will make things more fun and easier. We all need a little encouragement to reinforce our actions. Instead of berating yourself for your failures, positive coaching is way more effective compared to the latter. Yes, things that are not working need to be addressed too in such a way that it comes out as something you can learn from instead of feel bad about. Failure and disappointments are stepping stones toward success; they are our source of guidance to choose the right path next time when such an incident happens again. If things do not work out the first time, you still have a next time to perfect it.

Consciousness and determination will permit you to live your expressions in life to the fullest giving you full command of you choose to be, who you want to be with. Do not block this process with unresolved feelings of pain and hurt. Cleanse your feelings completely. Co-creation makes goals more fun and exciting. The people around should be our positive energies that compels us to be the best of who we are.

Health and satisfaction are interconnected. Are you satisfied with your life? It is a good thing to be satisfied with your life. Obvious as it may be, our satisfaction in life impacts our health in ways that directly and indirectly affect us. The satisfaction in our live is based on the roles that we play from day to day; it spells out contentment with what we have in possession at this time.

Are you a happy person? How do you achieve happiness? The field of positive psychology has developed a “formula” over the years has generated noteworthy responses to these important questions. A study with more than 4000 participants was made by Doctors Nansook Park, Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman which revealed that there are five significant factors that are closely and constantly linked to the satisfactions that we experience in life and these are: positive thinking, gratefulness, enthusiasm, curiosity and the ability to loved and be loved as well. Do you notice something missing from the list above? Do you think that more factors are more important to you than the ones that are mentioned? What about wealth and beauty? Having lots of money can never satisfy a person for long. For a time maybe, yes but in the long run? Beauty? Physical beauty dies with time and with age. What matters is the beauty that you possess inside. Your inner beauty which reflects all of the factors mentioned above. If you have noticed, all the factors included in the list are aspects that are within our control.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development has conducted studies with more than 800 men and women since the 1930s following them from their youth until the late adulthood years. Strong social relationships was found to be the most important characteristic that allows a person to achieve and long and contented life.  Happiness and longevity for most people can be described by spending quality time with significant others, participating actively in social events as well as gatherings in the local community, going out and having fun at the clubs and other bar outlets.

This is a more accurate basis of longevity than comparing it with that of our parents, childhood memories or the stressful life events. Making time for the persons we love is very important. We never know when will be the end for us. A few weeks ago, my cousin who went to work abroad died after just two weeks of arriving there due to a car accident which killed both him and the driver, leaving their other companion comatose. Live life to the fullest and be the best that you can be from everyone knowing that you will be increasing your life’s own quality and in the high hopes that you are doing so for others too.

So take time to appreciate the things that are around you. What are the things that you are grateful for? What things make you think of positive things and make you feel optimistic? Yes there is reason to be pessimistic and concerned at times, but there is reason to be optimistic too. Drinking and drugs do not get you out of your hell-hole; they just bury you deeper in it. Discover your meaning and purpose in life in more responsible and meaningful ways such as the things that you passionately care about, something that keeps the adrenaline rushing. What are you curious about now? I am sure there are a lot of things that you do not understand but would want to understand better. There are lots of outlets for doing so now such as talking to a friend or someone you are close to, going to the library and do some research, surf the internet or contact other sources who are knowledgeable about the subject matter. Do you tell your family and loved ones how much you care about them? Do they even know that you do? How do you make them feel that you do?

These activities should be practiced daily in your life. Little by little you will begin to discover wonderful changes in your life’s level of satisfaction, health and above all else, happiness.

Healthy living is not all the time about eating the right kinds of foods, proper exercise and having regular visits to the doctor. Other factors can affect our health too. Emotional factors for one also contribute to illness and disease. Grudges can hurt you physically and psychologically. The cure is very simple but others may find it difficult to do, Forgiveness. Forgiveness brings about positive effects in our health according to recent studies and I believe that we do not need research to tell us that this is so.

The Duke University Medical Center has done studies that show that people who have released grudges with others through forgiveness manifested decreased levels of physical pain of any type, lowered levels of anger and depression. Meditation is also being used by people experiencing back pain to release anger and forgive others.

It benefits the condition of your heart if you know how to forgive. Blood pressure levels, stress and forgiveness have been found out to be interlinked with each other based on the research of the University of Tennessee. Resting blood pressure and heart rate levels were observed to be lower in people who found it easy to forgive. People who are identified as “high forgivers” were found out to work harder in resolving conflicts resulting to having stronger bonds with others.

Healing can be achieved through forgiveness. It is a way of boosting your immune system helping you recover as fast as you can from any disease or illness.

Grudges are a major stressful event which we constantly put our bodies into. Grudges result in many things such as increased blood pressure levels, muscle tension and excessive perspiration. The body relaxes and experiences a relief of pain when you lose the grudge from your system.

Forgiveness is the medicine for anger which is very harmful to our health. Stroke, according to the recent issue in neurology often results due to compressed negative emotions and anger. Persons who are in the peak of anger will lead to a stroke after two hours.

Do you not want to strengthen your relationships with your loved ones? Aren’t we all in search for that inspiring connection? Letting go of anger can not only benefit us physically, it can enrich our relationships with others as well as keep us in a good mood too.

The skill of forgiveness is difficult but can be learned. Some methods to enhance your forgiveness skills are meditation, visualization and releasing anger by simply talking to someone we trust.

You can pump yourself up and coach yourself in hard times. Show yourself the perfect way to forgive.

1.      Forgiveness is not weakness. Forgiveness in fact is a characteristic of a strong person. It takes courage to forgive and only strong and brave persons are capable of having courage.

2.      Do not put your happiness in the hands of other people. You are doing just that if you are holding a grudge. Forgiving someone means that you are solely responsible for your happiness and you are no longer in the control of your negative emotions such as anger.

3.      Forgiveness is a gift that all of us have but only a few practice.

4.      You allow change to come into your life if you accept forgiveness.

The heart’s economy is forgiveness. Spare your expenses on anger, the high prices of hatred and the squander of your soul.

The few areas that take up most of our time are family, friends, significant others, work/job and recreation. We jump from one area to another faster than a grasshopper can jump from one plant to the other! We are filled to the brim for days, weeks, months and even years! We hardly even have time to breathe! This is the crucial part, because of so much responsibility; we forget to take care of ourselves, losing ourselves along the process. If you were like me, raised in a guilt-ridden and conservative environment, then this is a whole new and foreign concept to both of us. The Golden Rule comes to my mind when talking about this importance: “Do unto others what you want others to do unto you”.

Challenges come and visit us especially in times when we are most unprepared, at times when we think we will be able to handle the pressure but end up unable to. Unfortunate events such as being diagnosed with a chronic, debilitating and deadly disorder; moving out of your parents’ home; studying while taking care of your child and jobless spouse; getting laid off; divorce and so on and so forth.

We begin to get lost in the rat race, the trials and hardships that slaps discouragements, put downs and embarrassments right into our faces. Experiencing physical pain day in and out until we feel like we have had enough and everything is too much too bare, might as well give up. Eventually, time will come when our goals and ambitions will be but a blur and the external noise of “getting there” will fade the sweet rhythm of the only music that is your source of inspiration.

One inspirational guru by the name of Dr. Wayne Dyer once said in one of his sermons: ” Do not die with the music still left inside you…”.

What exactly does he mean by that? How do we let it impact us? After everything, after the exhaustion, can you actually believe that there is still music left inside of you? Yes! How then can you keep the music going? How can you make it loud enough to cover up the noise that we have externally? It is a journey both unique and personal but these steps have been proven to have helped many.

Positive Talking. One’s circumstance and perception is not dependent with one’s worth. If you are fond of reading inspirational books and some phrases just stand out among others, jot it down on paper or index cards if the need be and incorporate it in your daily life. Our brain identifies what we believe is real to us even if it isn’t. Again, the Law of Attraction tells us that what we constantly think of will manifest or come true on our actions.

Gentleness and Patience are virtues. Learn to take things one step at a time. One hour might oftentimes be long enough to be able to handle things. You need to have control over the things that you want to happen and not the other way around. You and I, we are only humans. We are not equipped with super powers nor boosts of energy whenever we need it. Live each day like there is no tomorrow, for we can never foresee what tomorrow brings for us.

Kindness. Do you still even know how to smile? Be human! Humans smile, say thank you, and please. When you are in a bad mood, do not allow it to manifest in your interaction with other people who are not involved nor have any idea about what is going on. Offer your help to others who are in need. Miracles do happen, be a miracle to others.

Remember. Check in on your significant others or loved ones once in a while. Spend a few minutes of your day to say “hi” and “how are you” to the people who are dear to you.

Take care of yourself. Exercise regularly. Eat the right kinds of foods, and if you really think a bite of chocolate will bring sweetness to your day, then you have every right to do so.

Handle your heart with care. Hug, kisses and pats of comfort are so inspiring to another person. Never isolate yourself. Keep in touch with everyone! Do not let work and stress take over your life!

Do not take things for granted just because you think you will be wasting time. No time is wasted when used wisely. Remember always that life is short, so make time for other things besides those that you do that center on money!